As a digital-bound little kid, most of my influences were online. I would look up YouTube influencers as they talked about their day in vlog style, which was still new at the time. Before the era of streaming and big productions, there were the few and the popular–channels that people would come back to, and of which you could inarguably say launched themselves into the public eye. Although my mom or my dad didn't understand how one could amass a fortune from this website, I would be a part of some of the first people to develop a parasocial relationship via social media, for better or for worse.
In any case, YouTube was the first platform where I saw visibly queer creators express themselves. I saw the coming out processes of certain influencers from before when they would deny allegations that they were queer, to after when they would finally sit down in front of a camera and express their feelings. This was important to me, as living in rural Texas meant having no one to look up to in real life that identified as queer. It was a taboo topic, and people were finally brave enough to say something about it.
What I couldn't help to notice, was a reoccurring theme in the way people would come out. It actually informed the way in which I did. In many of these videos, these queer influencers made the jump to claim bisexuality first, then later on would come out again as gay, or some other queer identity. The implications of this are sightly, we see that people are seemingly less abrasive to the idea of bisexuality. Whether it be that bisexuality is just seen as a "phase," or whether people are more open to the concept because of it still having heteronormative qualities–or even the fact that our influencers don't want to lose their opposite sex supporters who may take that parasocial relationship to the extreme, bisexuality seems to be easier on the ears.
Sure, we can call this a safe move that people who don't actually believe in their bisexual claim may take, but what does this do for the validity of the sexuality itself?
I believe on both sides of the coin, bisexuals are seen as illegitimate–and intentionally and wrongfully claiming bisexuality does not help this dissonance. The truth is there are truly bisexual people, and the perception of it as a gateway does nothing to advance the idea of sexuality as a spectrum. It's seen as a travel path from one destination to the next, and that is a damaging perception. Nowadays, bisexuals are told to prove themselves–but how and why? Instead, I believe we should enter an age where these minute details that similarly have no real effect on others' lives are overlooked. It shouldn't be anyone's business until it becomes their business.
Growing up in the digital era, my early influences were also online, particularly through YouTube. As a kid in Hong Kong, where queerness was taboo, these platforms became my window to a world I couldn't access locally. Witnessing influencers coming out, especially embracing bisexuality first, shaped my own journey. However, the recurring theme of later identifying as gay raises questions about the perception of bisexuality. While it may seem like a safer initial step, it perpetuates stereotypes, undermining the legitimacy of bisexuality. It's time to move beyond these narratives, embracing sexuality as a spectrum without subjecting bisexuality to unnecessary scrutiny. Everyone's journey is personal; let's respect and normalize diverse experiences.
You make a great point about the impact of OG Youtubers, especially how they were representation for queer voices. It's cool to see how the evolution of the internet came with niche sources of representation and community. Your takes on the cyclical patterns of coming-out stories and their effects on the outlook of bisexuality really brings up the complex workings of online identity and perception.
Kam, I really enjoyed reading this blog post. Your writing is so personal and real, I appreciate the vulnerability you place into it. As a queer man myself, I relate to you immensely. I remember watching the same youtube videos and feeling like I had to make a coming out post myself. Now, this aspect of the community leaves me feeling unsettled. I don't believe coming out should have to be a huge ordeal in order to be respected. People should relax and be themselves. While this is easier said than done, I think it may help to lose the labels entirely. Why should we have to identify ourselves as one thing? I think saying you’re queer is enough.
Thank you for writing this Kam. I think it's really powerful what you wrote about growing up in an area without many queer role models, and how content creators played a vital role for you in that regard. I think that makes a lot of sense and is very powerful. This perspective was eye-opening for me. Growing up in the Bay Area, I like to think that my high school was relatively tolerant, and there was a large population of openly LGBTQ students and faculty at my High School.